Actual pillow talk

Me: Why would you need to buy snake food? Does your lizard eat--
Him: There are 6 pythons hidden throughout this room.
Me: Oh. Okay.

Stern daddy looks

Stern daddy looks


There’s no way to outflank me on Scruff or Grindr with snark - I have perfected either a clueless persona or a beyond polite persona, ensuring that every snark attempt ends either in “sorry” or “thank you”.

Why even? My thumbs are tired, TYVM.


relahvant:

look a tthis idiot i want 40


MONDAY PREDICTION

relahvant:

look a tthis idiot i want 40

MONDAY PREDICTION

(via gingerbowtie)


Do you think an internet dating profile of “I figured out how to pay bills and save for the future at the same time, and now I’d like to turn my attention to not dying alone” will be appropriate?

I don’t know, I’m feeling good about it.


ruinedchildhood:

Pug Life

ruinedchildhood:

Pug Life


officialkylieminoguedragqueen:

i bought a bag of those tiny apples because regular size apples feel like such a commitment


So a hawk attacked and bloodied someone at work today. Now THAT is raising the executive park game.


banji-realness:

skeetshoot:

bobbydoherty:

Canary Outtake for New York Magazine

why would you ever outtake a canary? she cannot take a bad picture!

WHO IS SHE

banji-realness:

skeetshoot:

bobbydoherty:

Canary Outtake for New York Magazine

why would you ever outtake a canary? she cannot take a bad picture!

WHO IS SHE